Easter Crack Bunnies

Last night at around 11.15pm, my neighbour noticed that the long-running crack addict who frequents our garden...was digging in the flowerpots, looking for somewhere to bury his rocks of crack and syringes....presumably to dig them up later on, like the Easter bunny. Weirdly, we also have a couple of squirrels that live in the tallest tree in our garden, who were no doubt looking on with interest and anxiety (like extras from a Douglas Adams novel), concerned that he might also dig up some of their nuts by mistake....

The last time this creature came to visit was during the Summer....when he turned over our recycling bin and used it as a latrine...before proceeding to run around our communal back garden, holding a garden broom aloft, shaking it at the sky, like a mad thing.  He tried to prise a few windows open with the broom, until my neighbours who were in upstairs, saw him and went to investigate. A chase ensued, like the keystone cops, with Jamie and Claire, my neighbours running after this pathetic bedraggled specimen...round and round the garden. He ran ahead, beltless, trousers round his ankles....until finally, Claire came over all Glaswegian, and lost her temper.  Something snapped. She rammed him up against the garden fence with the rake and held him there..while Jamie called the police on his phone.

The Police eventually turn up an hour later....by which time Gollum had run off in a panic, having left his bag behind. The Police opened the miscreant's bag, to reveal nothing less than two boxes of crunchy nut cornflakes, a large bag of smack and some unused syringes....

An hour later, the wastrel's head appeared over our garden wall again, cheeks drawn, eyes like two limpid pools (there's no one home)...plaintively he asks, "Where is my bag. Have you got it? I need my bag.  The food it in it's for me mum...."

"The Police took it with them back to the Station"

"Which station did they take it to?"

"What, you want to go round there?" 

And with that the crunchy nutter stumbled off ......